The pen is mightier than the sword.

“We’re so bad at sex and then we wonder why women aren’t like, really aggressive about sex. We think it’s cause they don’t have as much desire as we do. That’s how stupid men are, that we think ‘they’re just weird, women are like fucked up in the head cause they don’t wanna just fuck all the time. If I was a women, I’d just fuck everybody. Why don’t they wanna fuck all the time? I do.’ Of course you do, cause when you fuck, you get to fuck a woman! When she fucks, she has to fuck a guy! Wildly different experiences. For a man, 100% of the time, it’s the greatest thing that ever happened in his entire life. For a woman, about 40% of the time, when she’s being fucked by a guy, she’s thinking ‘I’ll get over this in a week. It’s not the worst thing. I’m not gonna cry this time.’
 

Another thing that proves how bad men are at sex is that after sex, you’re looking at two very different people. The man just wants to lay there, be cool and the woman wants to cuddle … ‘Why is she so NEEDY?’ She’s not needy you idiot, she’s horny, because you did nothing for her. YOU DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. HER PUSSY IS ON FIRE BECAUSE IT’S GONE UNFUCKED COMPLETELY. Of course you’re fine, you climbed on and went ‘KFHGSKG’ and rolled off. And she’s on you because she’s like ‘WH-at SOMETHING ELSE HAS TO HAPPEN, THIS IS BULLSHIT!!’ If you fuck a woman well, she will LEAVE YOU ALONE. ‘Thanks a lot buddy, zzzzz.’”

“And someday, even further down the line, you will be standing in the bedroom, looking out at the slice of the river that is your view, your lover flipping through the mail in the kitchen, and you’ll realize that at some point, without knowing it, you missed the deadline: You’re not going to graduate school for ceramics. You’re not moving to Sweden for a year. You’re not going to become a cop. You’ll probably never shave your head or launch a campaign to save one single redwood tree. You aren’t vegan anymore. Your contribution is your tax dollars, your good moral center, your respect for your building’s recycling rules. You wear sunglasses when it’s sunny, a raincoat when it’s not. You keep almonds in your purse, and you charge your electric toothbrush. You trim your hair. You aren’t where you thought you’d be. You are just where they found you. So you pick up the phone, and you dial someone who remembers you as you want to remember yourself.”